


The Future's Not That Far Away

by Shunters



Series: Gold Dust [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Beta Read, Betaed, Daemons, Episode Tag, Episode: s01e01 We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, References to Depression, Same-Sex Daemons, Swearing, Very Brief Mentions of Allison/Luther, but its only klaus thinking bout how weird it is, mentions of rehab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 18:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20087122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shunters/pseuds/Shunters
Summary: Klaus has a routine in his life; get high, go to parties, get high some more, and go to rehab. And then his father dies. Klaus just wanted to go and collect his inheritance, and then get back to his aforementioned life of not caring. His missing-presumed-dead brother turning up, raving about being a grumpy coffee-addicted old man complicates matters.Aka, S1 E1 but with added daemons





	The Future's Not That Far Away

**Author's Note:**

> So, firstly, thank you to everyone who kudosed and commented on my previous fic, and I’m really really sorry that this sequel took so long. It truly could’ve gone up a lot sooner, and I know you don’t want excuses, but I had a rough couple months, starting with my depression coming back for revenge and my dad making constant homophobic/transphobic comments. But, on the plus side, I finally got my first binder a few months ago, so even though everything is not fixed, I am feeling a bit better now. 
> 
> Anyway, this fic is from Klaus’ (3rd person) POV again, so there are a few harsh things said about him, cus we all know that Klaus’ self-esteem isn’t as good as he likes people to think. Also, there’s the fact that he’s coming back to a house which he hates and which he has very few good memories of, so a lot of his feelings from the past will be coming back full force. And, cus Klaus thinks that his family always thinks the worst of him, his siblings may come off as being meaner to him than they should be, but- again- I’m just trying to convey Klaus’ thought process; I am not trying to hate on Klaus, I love that boi.
> 
> Now some notes: I say a ‘sixth’ of Reginald’s fortune, because I don’t think he would have written Five out of his will, considering he seemed to know that Five was still out there. And, ‘gekkering’ is apparently a real word. It’s a sound foxes make when fighting, so nobody @ me for making up words. 
> 
> Finally, this 32 page monster of a fic was beta-ed by laurenthian (if you like Marvel, go read her fics, cus they’re awesome!), but, as always, any mistakes are my own.

Klaus hops down from his bunk, in the tiny room which he shares with two-to-five other guys whenever he stays in this rehab. (It's the _ regulars _ room, the one specifically for the patients who almost always come back at regular intervals.)

He sighs in satisfaction, stretching his arms above his head. Nephty yawns in a remarkably human fashion, stretching her wings, before taking flight. It was the day of their release.

_ Finally. _

Klaus smiles as he leaves the room, throwing cheerful parting remarks to his roommates along the way. Nephthys leads the way down the familiar hallways, perching temporarily on the windowsill to the staff room, as they pause to sign out and collect their few precious belongings.

With the standard line of "stay sober!" thrown after him, and a shake of his head timed with Nephty's, Klaus is on his way.

* * *

Klaus grins as he spots his favourite dealer, approaching the man with money in hand. He exchanges the money for pills with a hug and a kiss, while Nephthys caws a greeting of her own to the man and his dæmon.

Barely two hours later, Klaus is in the back of an ambulance, bolting upright after having his heart shocked back into rhythm.

He always gets a special kind of rush from being resuscitated (one which he _ knows _ Nephty feels too, no matter how much she tries to deny it). It shows in his enthusiastic laugh and shout of joy, just how much he loves the feeling of _ living when he didn't think he could _. Nephthys herself is quivering with delight, clearly trying to supress the thrill of coming back, as Klaus high fives his paramedic friend.

The small TV in the corner chimes with a news announcement, pulling Nephthys' attention toward it. Klaus looks over as well, catching sight of Joe and his dæmon doing the same.

_ "Moments ago," _ the anchorwoman starts, and Klaus blinks rapidly, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the screen. _ "Police reported the death of the world's most eccentric and reclusive billionaire, Sir Reginald Hargreeves. Sir Hargreeves is survived by five children, four of whom were once known as the Umbrella Academy, including movie star Allison Hargreeves. It is unknown whether-" _

Klaus laughs. He can't help it.

After all this time, the bastard is finally dead. God, Klaus had been starting to think that the fucker might actually be immortal. (Which would suck, because Klaus has a faint suspicion that he _ actually is immortal _, considering the amount of times he's died already. Thank Christ that Dad had kicked the bucket, else it would probably have just been him and Klaus for the rest of time.)

Nephthys lets out a strangled laugh too, and Klaus looks at her in shock. _ She's _supposed to be the restrained one.

"We're rich," she finally manages to get out, "Daddy Dearest never got around to changing his will after we ran. We stand to inherit a _ sixth _ of his entire fortune!"

Klaus just stares for a moment, before he breaks down laughing, tears dropping from his eyes. It might be an odd reaction to the death of his father, but, _ Jesus _, does it feel good.

* * *

As soon as he can, Klaus signs himself out of the hospital, completing the required AMA forms to get released. He walks the distance to his old home, Nephthys taking to the air above him, ensuring that he doesn't take a wrong turn.

When he arrives, Klaus stands there in silence for a moment, Nephty once again perched on his shoulder.

He hasn't been back here in _ years _ . _ A decade, _ even. He left the night Ben and Seiko died, and he's never looked back.

"Well, no time like the present, hey Nephty," he mutters, taking a deep breath. His dæmon nips the top of his ear gently, in encouragement.

Klaus opens the gate, climbing the steps to the front door. He knocks, and then he waits.

"I shouldn't be here," he says to himself, "I really shouldn't. It's not like it's any of my business how the others are doing. It's not like they care enough about me to call, they clearly don't want to see me. I should just go."

"Klaus," Nephthys says, "stop it, you're spiralling." She's right, as usual. Klaus is going down a dark line of thought.

Before he can change his mind, or reply to his dæmon, the door is pulled open.

"Master Klaus," the being who opened the door greets, with an expression that's as close to smiling as he ever got with Klaus. It's Pogo, their dæmonless monkey butler. Man, _ he looks old _ . Well, Pogo had always looked old, but this is... _ he has a walking stick now _.

* * *

Walking into his room, Klaus is suddenly hit with his own fucked-up sense of nostalgia. The words scribbled on his walls-- lines from songs, chunks of poems, the occasional motivational statement- brought forth a yearning for the simpler times, for when his siblings all actually _ cared _ about each other. For the days when Allison, Vanya, and Ben would encourage him to write more _ positive _ thoughts on his wall. For the times when Diego and Addie would smuggle treats into his room, to comfort Klaus when he was upset. For the times when Luther would _ listen to him _before passing judgement. For those precious moments he shared with Five and Echo, his most abrasive sibling (and dæmon) comforting him and Nephty by Blinking into wherever Daddy Dearest had trapped them.

Klaus scans the rest of the room, taking in the abstract and colourful art hanging in the corner, some painted by him, some given by various siblings. He smiles gently as he gravitates toward his bed, climbing onto it to read the chaotic thoughts and sprawling sentences still perfectly etched into his wall.

His fingers trace the second verse of the song 'All Star', leading up to 'The Raven' written horizontally above it, across to the poem- one of his many favourites- entitled 'She Walks in Beauty'. Beneath that is a string of chaotic and nonsensical, amphigoric writings which he'd wanted to get out of his head. Random sentences are thrown together, one thought blurring into the next into the next, in a mimicry of his mind. He grins as he reads them, Nephthys huffing quiet laughs every now and then as she, too, scans the veritable book upon the wall.

And then his eyes catch sight of two particular verses of a particular song.

_ I walk this empty street, _

_ on the boulevard of Broken Dreams _

_ where the city sleeps, _

_ and I'm the only one, I walk alone _

_ my Shadow's the only thing that walks beside me _

_ my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating _

_ sometimes I wish someone out there will find me, _

_ 'till then, I walk alone. _

And, just like that, he is hit with the crushing sense of loneliness and _ pain _ that he'd felt as a kid. He was sixteen when he'd written those particular verses, and _ so, so angry at the world _ , hurting, and wanting desperately for any kind of _ escape _.

It's a shame that everyone else had been too wrapped up in their own worlds to notice Klaus' struggle.

Maybe he would have turned out better if someone- _ anyone _ \- would have just _ noticed him _.

But, no, he knows that can’t be true, because Ben and Vanya had tried to get him to give up drugs back then (still do, in fact). It was obviously _ him _ that was- _ is _\- the problem. He's just a useless junkie, of course no one would have tried to help.

Nephthys nips the top of his ear sharply. "Stop it," she scolds, gently, "you're doing it again."

Klaus sighs. She's right. Again.

He pulls his attention away from the angry words, turning instead to scan the rest of his room. Everything is still as chaotically ordered as when he’d first left.

His inspection complete, Klaus stands, deciding to get on with why he came here. Grabbing his tiny bag of belongings, he hides everything of importance (the few clothes he has) in his old closet. Then he sets about his task of collecting some early inheritance.

His father's office is the logical place to start.

* * *

Klaus is searching through Dad's desk, looking for stuff to pawn, while Nephthys stands watch on the fireplace, blending in with Dad's taxidermy trophies. He pauses in his desperate search when he hears the _ click-clack _ of heels against the wooden floor.

_ Allison and Melos _, he hears Nephty think to him, the bird watching the approaching pair with caution in her eyes. Klaus continues with his search. He doesn't mind if Allison catches him here. It's Luther and Mom he's worried about.

He hears the heels round the table, and then, "_ Klaus _ ." His name is said harshly and, _ would you look at that, his siblings still despise him _. "What are you doing in here?" Allison asks the question more gently, but still with a hefty note of suspicion in her voice.

He looks up, smiling as he greets, "Allison, Mel'." He squints as he looks at his sister, leveraging himself up with the desk as he stands. "Wow, is that you?" She and Melos look even better than they do in the interviews he's seen. She looks _ amused _ by him, he thinks, and maybe even _ pleased to see him _. Wow, what an unfamiliar concept.

Klaus leans back slightly to get a good look at his sister, Nephty flying down to greet Mel. He moves forward to embrace Allison, and tries to stabilise his equilibrium (which is still out of whack from his earlier OD). "Long time," he hugs her quickly, before pulling back in a move which he knows just screams _ drunk or _ _ gay _ . "Hey," he says, faking being fake serious (a confusing juxtaposition), "I was hoping to see you actually, because, er," he looks up at her, slyly, "I wanted to get your autograph, _ add it to my collection _."

Allison looked amused_ . Looked _ , being the operative word. Because she's caught sight of his rehab bracelet. _ Shit. _He needs to get the conversation back under his control. So, he goes with his favourite tactic, and chooses to deny doing any hard drugs recently.

When he breaks out his acting skills, Nephty cawing mournfully as he practically sobs about how he came to check if Dad was really _ gone _ , he can see Allison getting confused. Six of the Seven have always hated their father in their own ways, but Klaus and Diego loathe him the most, and Allison is well aware of this. She, like the others, has always been well aware of his hatred for their father. _ Good, she's distracted, now. _

Then he breaks out his jokes again, cheering in his typical fashion as he assures her that Dad really is dead. He rambles on about how their father tortured them, and gestures behind himself, to the pompous portrait of Reginald and his cougar dæmon, mocking Dad's scowl.

He mimics good ol' Reggie, pulling his eyes wide as he mocks, "Number Three," in a purposefully-exaggerated British accent. His amazing performance is cut off by another voice, however.

"Get out of his chair," comes the serious and stern voice from the doorway. It's _Luther_, _because of course it is_. He always was such a goody-two-shoes.

Klaus stands- because _he wants to_, not because One told him to- and scans his brother up and down. It's been almost a decade since they last saw each other but _damn! _ Luther got _big_. (And that was in no way meant to sound nearly as sexual as it did.)

"Klaus," Luther says, and it still sounds the same. Growled out with disapproval and disgust and a permanent tone of ‘_ would you just be serious for once, Klaus’ _.

Klaus feels his mood drop heavily, more than it already has. Pink feathers flash as Nephthys flies back to his shoulder, trying to comfort him as much as possible without giving away how they truly feel, because _no one can know what he really feels_.

"Save the lecture!" he replies instantly and instinctively to his brother's tone, "I was already leaving. You guys can talk amongst yourselves." He knows that's what they want, and, _ Christ, he does not understand how Luther and Allison fell for each other_. Sure, they were adopted, and they grew up without having any friends their own age. But, still, _ they were siblings for God's sake. _

Luther stops him on his way out. "Drop it," he says, and it's so _stern _and _disappointed_, and _god, he sounds just like Dad. _

"Ex-squeeze-me?" he asks, staring his brother dead in the eyes, holding his gaze coldly.

"Do it. Now," his brother commands, but Klaus doesn't think he sounds nearly as forceful as he wants to. Was that reluctant _amusement _he spotted in his brother's eyes?

He keeps the eye contact with Luther for a long moment, before snatching his arm violently away from his brother, causing Nephthys to fly from his shoulder, lest she fall. He doesn’t hide his anger as he pulls out the knickknacks which he'd taken from Dad's desk. He does hide the smugness he's feeling, however, pleased that they haven't noticed the box he'd hidden halfway inside his tight pants.

Nephthys leaves the room via the same way Luther came in, and Klaus follows, shutting the door behind himself. As soon as he's out of sight, Klaus pulls the box out, throwing a cautious look over his shoulder as Nephty eavesdrops from the chair outside Dad's office. _ Man, being told to wait in that chair never meant anything good in their childhood_.

When Klaus finally gets the box out of his pants, he pauses in his strategic retreat, to turn the thing around. He sighs happily, smiling, as he looks at the decorative gold and pearl box. He continues down the hall, Nephthys choosing to stay behind and eavesdrop for a bit. 

* * *

Klaus has been in his room for ten minutes, reading a book- after having stashed the box with his other important things- when there's a tapping at his door.

"Who is it?" he calls in a singsong voice, closing his book and throwing it to one side.

There is a caw, and then, "nevermore."

He laughs as he stands, going to open the door. "You remember," he asks with a smile, "that that poem's about a raven, and not a crow, right?"

Nephthys flies past him, dyed pink feathers glowing in the light, and lands on the perch which had been set up above his bed when she'd Settled. She shrugs in a flap of her wings as he shuts the door. "I remember, but ravens and crows are often mistaken for each other, and ravens are classified as being part of the crow family, so, technically, that poem _is_ about a crow."

Klaus rolls his eyes fondly. "I know that, but _you're _the one who always kicks up a fuss about being called a raven by mistake," he tells her as he flops back onto his bed. "Anyway," he changes the topic as he leans back to look up at his dæmon, "what did you find out from your little eavesdropping sesh?"

Nephty shrugs again as she looks down at him. "Nothing exciting," she says, before going on to recount, "Luther said that 'Klaus is still Klaus, in case you were wondering'."

He scoffs at that. "As if Luther _ever _had any idea who I was. And who does he think _he _is, to say that I'm the same as always? We barely saw him for five minutes when we first arrived, and most of that was just him scowling at us in disapproval. He hasn't known either of us in almost decade."

"I know," Nephthys says in reply, "he's acting more ridiculous than the last time we saw him."

Klaus shakes his head, closing his eyes as he sighs in exhaustion._ He's so tired_. And not the normal _I haven't slept in two days _kind of tired, either. This was a bone-deep, _ aching _kind of weariness that left him feeling drained and lacking the motivation for anything in life.

He feels Nephthys land on his chest, and sighs again.

"It'll get better," she tells him, "it always does." Her forehead touches his own, soft and comforting. "One day at a time," she whispers.

"One day at a time," he echoes, gently stroking Nephty's feathers. _If it's not ghosts, it's depression and feelings of inadequacy left over from childhood_.

After taking a moment to pull himself together, Klaus opens his eyes and Nephthys leans back. "Anyway," he says, "what else did our dear siblings get up to?"

"Luther and Allison mainly just talked about Allison's divorce and how Patrick got custody of Claire. Diego's been hanging out with Mom, and Vanya's been in her room."

Klaus hums noncommittally. It appears his siblings haven't changed much.

* * *

Klaus has just raided Allison's room, looking for anything he can steal (to _wear_, okay, he's not cruel enough to pawn his sister's things. Not while she's alive), and has just finished touching up his makeup, when Nephthys reminds him of the time.

"Klaus," she says, "don't forget that supposed 'family meeting' Luther called."

"Right," he replies with a snort as he pulls on another skirt, "the _ family meeting_, that's going to go _so _well." He glances at his reflection. "Oh well, this will have to do." It's not entirely in-fashion at the moment, but it's a very comfortable skirt.

When he and Nephty make it down to the lounge, everyone else has arrived. It is awkwardly silent. Even the ghosts have shut up for a change. Klaus goes to fix himself a drink, lighting a cigarette on the way. He needs the comforting burn of alcohol and tobacco for this.

"Um, I guess we should get this started," he hears Luther say as the giant stands up, "so, I figure we could have a sort of memorial service, in the courtyard at sundown, say a few words.” He adds offhandedly, "just at Dad's favourite spot."

"Dad had a favourite spot?" Allison asks, and Klaus resists the urge to laugh. She sounds so _surprised_. He's not sure why; their Dad was, and always will be, a mystery to them.

"Yeah, you know, under the oak tree," Luther replies, "we used to sit out there all the time. None of you ever did that?"

"God, does he hear himself?" Ben asks, rhetorically, from where he's leaning against the bar, unseen to all but the craziest Hargreeves and his dæmon. Klaus smothers a laugh in response to his brother.

He chooses, instead, to interrupt his siblings' awkward staring and confusion with a question about snacks being present at the funeral (after all, you've got to put the 'fun' in 'funeral' somehow). Nephthys flies over to land on the weird red statuette which sits atop the table behind the couch. Demyan joins her a moment later, the two dæmons perched together in a show of support.

Allison cuts into Luther's scolding about Klaus' smoking to ask, "is that my skirt?" And he's pleased to note that she sounds annoyed about him taking it, but not surprised or disgusted.

He knows he used to steal both his sisters' and Mom's clothes when they were kids, but he had still been a little worried about how they would all take his divergent sense of fashion. Not that it would have stopped him from wearing something. Hell, he probably would have just dressed even ‘weirder’, if they did disapprove.

"Oh, yeah, this," he replies as he walks over to stand in front of them all, Melos tracking his movements from the fireplace. "I found it in your room. It's a little dated, I know, but it's very," he posed, "breathy on the," he gestures between his legs, "bits." Adriana snorts a quiet laugh from where she's sat against Diego's chair.

"Listen up," Luther jumps in, sternly, before he can lose control of the situation entirely, "there's still some important things we need to discuss, alright?"

"Like what?" Addie asks with an eye roll. She'd always been more vocal than Diego.

"Like the way he died," Luther replies, and Klaus walks over to the couch, disinterested in the conversation. 

"And here we go," Diego says with a bitter, unamused smile. Klaus drops onto the seat beside Vanya, leaning back and crossing his legs delicately.

He mostly tunes his siblings out, taking a deep drag of his cigarette and closing his eyes in a moment of bliss. He pays just enough attention to the conversation to know that it isn't worth listening to at the moment, but it doesn't stop him from jumping in with a joke or two.

"He sounded on edge," Luther says, sounding on edge himself, "told me I should be careful who to trust."

"Luther," Addie says with a patient sigh as she and Diego stand, walking over to him.

"He was a paranoid, bitter old man," Diego finishes, as gentle as he ever gets, "who was starting to lose what was left of his marbles."

"No. He must have known something was going to happen," Luther is, as always, stubborn as a bull. But, then, he turns to Klaus. "Look, I know you don't like to do it," the large man says, and _oh, look at that, they were actually including Klaus for a change_. "But I need you to talk to Dad."

Klaus gestured to himself, still confused at being included. He ignores Allison's scoff and Melos' huff, used to being underestimated (used to _thriving _off being underestimated).

Klaus rolls his eyes. His siblings had never understood his powers. They all let their own abilities colour the lens through which they see his.

"I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, 'Dad, could you just, stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?'," he tells Luther as he sits up, gesturing with his smoking hand.

"Since when?" Luther sounds vicious and annoyed and _ god, why did Klaus ever come back here_. "That's your _thing _."

"Thing?" Nephthys speaks up, voice cold and deadly, "I think the word your searching for is_ power_, or 'ability', or maybe even 'curse'." His siblings all look stunned at her outburst. Right, they haven't watched how she's grown to be so very protective of him. _Because no else has ever been protective of Klaus Hargreeves, save Five and Echo- who are gone- and Ben and Seiko, who are now dead_.

"I'm not in the right...frame of mind to call him," Klaus speaks up, bringing his siblings' attentions away from his dæmon.

"You mean you're high?" Allison asks, and she sounds so disapproving and annoyed and_ not at all surprised_.

Klaus shoves the hurt down inside of himself with a practiced ease. "Yeah!" he laughs. "Yeah! I mean, how are you not, listening to this nonsense?" He exclaims, looking around at all of his siblings.

"Well _ sober up_, this is important!" Luther scolds, and, _ Christ, he has no idea just what he's asking Klaus to do_.

He catches sight of Diego looking at him with something approaching sympathy, Addie glaring up at Luther as Number One goes on about Dad's missing monocle.

"Oh my god," Addie mutters under her breath, sounding exasperated.

"Who gives a shit about a stupid monocle?" Diego asks in the exact same tone as his dæmon.

"Exactly," Luther says, "it's worthless. So, whoever took it, I think it was personal. Someone close to him, someone with a grudge."

Klaus shook his head. "Where are you going with this?" He knows that he sounds kind of petulant and whiny, but he wants to be done with this._ He needs to get out of this place_.

"Oh, isn't it obvious, Klaus?" Diego says as Addie starts to growl up at Luther's coat, where Ayla is presumably hiding. "He thinks one of us_ killed _Dad."

Luther just looks resigned to his fate. _Jesus_.

"You_ do_," Klaus breathed out.

"How could you think that?" Vanya asks, and Nephty throws a wing over Myan in comfort.

"Great job, Luther," Diego says slowly, sarcastically, "way to lead."

"That's not what I'm saying," Luther replies.

Klaus exclaims, "you're crazy, man," and pushes himself up, relishing in the feeling of being able to tell someone else their insane for a change, "you're crazy." He picks up the goblet he was using as an ashtray, Nephthys leaving Myan as she flies to his shoulder.

"Crazy," she mutters on the way.

"I'm not finished!" Luther tells them.

"Ok, well, sorry," Klaus says, "I'm just gonna go murder Mom, I'll be right back."

"You should murder Luther instead," Seiko tells him as she and Ben follow him out of the room.

Klaus snorts a laugh and leaves, ignoring whatever it is that Luther was still saying behind him.

* * *

It's been a few hours since Luther's ill-fated 'family meeting', and Nephthys has finally managed to convince Klaus to try to conjure Reginald.

"Listen up, old man," Klaus states, kicking off his shoes, "you know, if I _ was _ murdered and if one of my sons- _ adopted _ sons- happened to be able to commune with the dead, I might think about," Klaus laughs without any humour, "I don't know, I don't know... _ manifesting! _" He steps suddenly back from the bar, Nephthys flying from his shoulder as he throws his arms out dramatically, before putting his fists on his hips. "Do the whole big angry ghost lecture! Tell everyone who done it, and find," he gestures towards the sky reverently, "eternal peace."

"Eternal peace?" Nephty asks.

"It's probably overrated," they say together.

Klaus stares at the urn containing his father's ashes for a moment, then grunts in frustration, turning in a circle to get rid of some of his anxious energy.

_ And so the waiting begins_.

* * *

Klaus has been at it for an hour now, and Reggie still_ refuses to show himself_. Klaus is tired and grumpy, and _still not sober_, despite not taking drugs for at least 4 hours. (And he must surely be high, because he’s not detoxing at all.)

He sighs, and pants in exhaustion, "I don't know about you guys," he says, speaking to both his dæmon and Reggie's ashes, "but I need a drink."

Klaus reaches forward, over the bar, making a move to grab a bottle. He doesn't mean to do, he really doesn't, but as he's moving the urn, he knocks it over. And his father's ashes go_ everywhere_.

He gasps in shock and horror, immediately backing away from the bar.

"Oh, shit," Nephty mutters from where she's perched upon the deer antlers mounted above the bar.

Klaus laughs hysterically. It's been a long-ass day, and he's anxious and coming down and he_ can't help it_.

"Oh! No, I didn't mean to do that," he laughs.

He ends up just _staring _for a moment, panicked laughter caught in his chest, before Nephthys lands on his shoulder.

"Well, don't just stand here," she says, "be a good little boy, and put Daddy Dearest back in the urn."

That startles another burst of laughter out of him. "With _what_?" he manages to ask.

"I don't know, maybe a dustpan-and-brush or something?" Nephty tells him, voice full of sarcasm.

"Where am I supposed to get one of them?" Klaus asks.

"Hmm, if only this house was in possession of a monkey butler, or a robotic mom," Nephthys drawls.

That is how Klaus ends up sweeping his father's ashes back into their vase, using a brush which Mom had brought him. It's not_ quite _the weirdest thing he's done, but it's close.

* * *

Klaus, after being sober for half an hour, decided it's high time to visit oblivion again. Since Diego had come down to investigate Klaus' hysterics, Klaus and Nephthys decide to go to the kitchen to get high, where there's less chance of him being scolded by any of his siblings.

He places Dad on the table, and pulls out his little baggie of pills. Klaus shakes some of the drugs loose, counting them after they land in his hand.

"Oh. Three? Okay!" Klaus laughs as he shrugs.

He tosses the pills into his mouth, and closes the bag. He lets the drugs linger on his tongue, bitter and dry, while he puts his baggie of drugs back down his underwear.

* * *

Klaus is sprawled across the kitchen table now, glass of liquid amber resting by his hip with his cigarettes and lighter. Nephthys is roosting above the fridge.

The drugs are just hitting his system, and everything is getting pleasantly hazy and_ distant_.

The ghosts are quiet, but the house is not.

There is music blasting from upstairs. It's a song that was oft played in their childhood.

He turns from leaning on his side, sitting up slightly as he gazes at the ceiling. He can feel a delirious little smile stretch across his face.

He loves this song.

* * *

Dancing around the kitchen (and then on the table), Nephthys flying and twirling in circles above his head, gives Klaus a sense of being free and _ alive _that he hasn't felt in a long time. It's a shame that the noise of a freak storm outside has to bring it to an end, the crash and crackle of thunder causing Klaus to jump off the table in shock.

He only_ just _catches the urn which goes flying off the table, and asks the space around him, "Daddy?" in a slightly fearful tone. He knows that ghosts can't interact well with the physical world, but Reginald had always been the exception to a lot of rules.

"Duck!" Nephthys shouts, and Klaus does as she commands. He barely dodges the knives which imbed themselves into the wall in front of him, but dodge them he does.

"What the _hell _is going on?" he asks the world in general.

"I don't know!" Nephthys tells him, voice raised to be heard over the storming outside.

"We should go and see what it is," Klaus says, already standing.

"That's a bad idea." He ignores Nephty, choosing to place his father's urn on the side.

"Now, you be a good little boy, and stay here, okay Reggie?" he says to the vase.

He looks around wildly, then, searching for something to arm himself with. He grabs the first thing which he thinks might be useful- a fire extinguisher, in case the lightning has caused any fires- and bolts for the door, doing his shirt up and grabbing his coat along the way.

Nephty chases after him, calling, "wait for me, dumbass. If you're going to investigate a mysterious magnetic storm, you should at least have someone intelligent and capable of making rational decisions with you!"

* * *

Klaus charges out of the backdoor, into the courtyard. He barely slows down to observe the situation, barrelling through the wall of siblings in his way, and toward the glowy blue _thing _outside. He sprays the fire extinguisher at it and, when that fails to do anything, throws the thing into the vortex.

"What is that gonna do?" Allison shouts at him.

"I don't know," he shouts back as he throws his hands up, "do you have a better idea?!"

The blue thingamajig does _something_, flaring up and showing them a weird Einstein-lookalike. Klaus backs away quickly, and gets pulled roughly behind his siblings. Nephty lands on his shoulder, claws gripping his coat tightly as she huddles down. Addie is barking at the vortex warningly, while Melos hisses in anger and fear. Klaus can see that Vanya is holding Myan close to her chest, keeping him protected against her heart.

"Everyone get behind me!" Luther calls.

"Yeah, everyone get behind us!" Diego contradicts, ever the tough guy.

"I vote for running!" Klaus shouts, while Nephty nods in agreement. "Come on!" When his family continues to ignore him, Klaus sighs, and resigns himself to his fate.

The picture of the Einstein guy becomes clearer, and then- oh wait, no, that's not Einstein, that's... _ Number Five? _

Klaus frowns in confusion, and Nephthys perks up from where she was crouched on his shoulder. Addie has stopped her growling and now just watches, confused, like the rest of them.

The boy drops out of the blue whatchamacallit, landing on the ground with a painful sounding_ thump_. The thunder fades away and the skies clear.

The siblings cautiously approach the kid and his dæmon, all of them in the formation that had practically been beaten into them as children (only with Vanya standing in place of Ben, this time). The boy stands up, his dæmon large and awkward-looking in his arms.

"Does anyone else see...little Number Five?" Klaus asks, desperately hoping that Five really is there and that he isn't some new ghoul come to haunt him.

"Or is that just us?" Nephthys adds.

The boy- _ Five! _\- looks down at himself as his dæmon jumps from his arms to stare up at him. "Shit," the pair exclaim together.

Klaus gapes at his brother, just watching him for a moment. It seems his siblings are all as shocked as he is, because everyone just stands there in silence.

Then Nephthys _moves_.

She leaps from his shoulder, barely keeping herself airborne as she flaps her wings wildly, a few dyed, dark pink feathers shining in the sunlight. She narrowly avoids touching both Luther and Diego as she flies past, and then she's landing sloppily and hazardously, graceless in a way that he only remembers her being when they were in the midst of an OD.

She stops in front of the furry creature standing by Five's feet. "Echo," she breaths into the silence.

Klaus can't take the suspense anymore, and suddenly he's in motion, pushing himself between his two full-grown brothers to get to his prepubescent-looking brother. He pauses in front of the boy for a moment, taking in every detail of his unchanged face. Just as the kid opens his mouth to say something no doubt sarcastic, Klaus moves again. He crashes into Five with one step, hugging the boy close to his chest. He ignores the strange keening-sob which slips from his mouth, because_ Five is here and he's _**_alive_**_! _

It is awkward for a moment, just Klaus holding onto his young brother as he barely resists the urge to break down into tears.

And then Five's arms come up around him, and the boy is hugging him back and Klaus can feel the tears choking him as Five buries his face into his collarbone and shivers. Because _fuck, this is the first real hug either of them have had in years, he can tell_.

The pair stay like that for a long moment, dæmons as entwined as their humans.

And then Five takes a deep breath, pushes him away, and the moment is over.

* * *

They're all gathered in the kitchen- all of them, even Ben- for the first time in seventeen years.

It's a goddamn surreal experience and, if Klaus didn't know _exactly _what pills he'd taken, he'd think that he was having the weirdest trip of his life.

"What's the date? The _exact _date," Five is asking as he makes a peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich- _because he apparently still eats those disgusting things_.

"The twenty-fourth," Vanya replies, somehow the least fazed of them all.

"Of _what _?" Five asks harshly.

"March," Vanya tells him.

"Of _when _?" Echo asks from where he is sat on the table with Nephty at his side.

"Twenty-nineteen," Vanya answers again.

"Good," Five says and relaxes slightly.

"So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?" Luther asks.

Klaus is still watching Five and Echo, shaken by the appearance of a sibling he'd thought long since dead and _at peace_. Not to mention, the fact that there's something _off _about Echo. Something in the way he looks.

"It's been _seventeen years_," Luther says as he stands, all righteous fury and teenage _how do I deal with my emotions? _ He never really did grow up.

But Five just scoffs, scowling up at his giant brother, as unintimidated as ever. "It's been_ a lot_ longer than that," he replies and _yeah, Klaus can tell_.

With that, Five jumps to the other side of Luther, grabbing marshmallows from the top of a fridge. He's gotten better at Blinking; he must have practiced a lot because they look so..._ effortless _now.

"Where'd you go?" Diego asks, and Klaus can tell that he's starting to catch on.

"The future. It's shit, by the way," Five tells them.

Klaus can't resist exclaiming, "called it!" Because he did, he_ always knew the future was gonna suck_.

Five sighs as he walks to the shelf to get the peanut butter. "I shoulda listened to the old man. He knew, jumping through space is one thing, jumping through time is a toss of the dice." _Wow, he must really have been gone for a long time, if he could freely admit to being wrong_.

Then Five looks up from buttering his bread, as if _seeing _Klaus for the first time. "Nice dress," he says, and it's not at all sarcastic or surprised, and _Klaus loves him for it_.

"Oh, well, danke!" Klaus grins back at him, waving a few of the leather tassels in the air. It's technically a skirt, but he'll take what he can get.

"Wait," Vanya says, holding up a hand as though to physically halt the conversation, "how did you get back?"

"In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time," Five explains.

There is a momentary pause, before Diego speaks up. "That makes no sense."

"Well, it would if you were smarter," Five says.

Diego jumps up, ready to attack, as Addie growls quietly up at Echo. Luther immediately throws an arm out to stop Diego, and Klaus winces. Dear old Dad had always insulted Diego's intelligence when he stuttered. Five's retort had hit a sore spot on their brother.

"How long were you there?" Number One asks.

"Forty-five years. Give or take," Five tells them.

Diego and Luther sit down heavily, shocked by his blasé statement.

"So, what are you saying? That you're fifty-eight?" Luther asks, stunned by the revelation.

"_No_," there's a silent _you idiot _hanging in the air as Five replies, "my _consciousness_ is fifty-eight. Apparently, my body is now thirteen again."

Klaus glances over at Echo, and suddenly isn't as shocked as he probably should be. Because_ it makes sense. _

The truth in Five's statement- that he is significantly older than all of them- lies in his dæmon, like many truths in life. Because although dæmons don't age as normal animals do, they do still age with their human (even if the physical age of the dæmon oft reflects the _mental _age of the person rather than the physical one). And Five's dæmon- a marsupial of some kind, he thinks- has greying fur slowly creeping across his back, the fur at his muzzle thinning slightly.

Five has an old soul. _Literally_.

And, sure, that could just mean that he was especially mature for his age, and that his time spent in the future had made him grow up fast. But, given the shitshow that is their lives, Klaus is inclined to believe Five's story.

Vanya shakes her head. "Wait, how does that even work?" she asks, referring to Five's consciousness transplant.

Five picks up his sandwich, pacing slightly as he muses, "Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh." He takes a small bite of his snack. "Bet she's laughing now."

"Delores?" Vanya asks, hesitantly.

Five ignores the question, humming again as he catches sight of the newspaper on the table. "Guess I missed the funeral." He shrugs.

"How'd you know about that?" Luther asks, and Klaus rolls his eyes dramatically, because _really? _

"What part of _the future _do you not understand?" Five asks. He continues to read the newspaper, and must have caught sight of the cause of death, because he goes on to ask, "heart failure, huh?"

Diego confirms it, even as Luther denies it.

"Well, nice to see nothing's changed," Five remarks, and_ he is completely right. Nothing has changed at all, except for the state in which Ben and Seiko exist_.

Five leaves the room, then, Echo jumping off the table and following behind him. "That's_ it _?" Allison asks his retreating form, sounding annoyed and outraged in a way she normally reserves for a high Klaus. "That's all you have to say?"

"What else is there to say? The circle of life," Five calls back.

"Well," Luther says, "that was interesting." _Fucking understatement of the year right there. _

* * *

After Five left, Klaus walks slowly back to his room, slightly numb from shock. He finds himself just standing behind the closed door, for a moment, Nephty sat on his shoulder again.

"He's alive," Klaus breaths into the empty room.

"I know," Nephthys replies after a beat, sounding equally as shocked and pained as him.

* * *

After having a tiny break down and cry over his _brother being alive_, Klaus pulls himself together, pushes the fuckball of emotions to the back of his mind, and decides to look up what Echo has Settled as. Klaus is pretty sure he knows what he is, but he wants to double-check.

He pulls out the box of dæmon books he has, going through them all until he finds the one he wants. He sits on the floor, Ben watching over one shoulder as Klaus flips through the small book. Finally, he gets to the right page.

The Tasmanian devil. Nature's cutest psychopath.

_ Competitive. Adaptable, opportunistic, resourceful. Determined, tenacious. Planners. Guarded. Ambitious. Blunt. Confident. _

Those traits definitely fit the Five he knew from before. And they seem to still fit him now.

* * *

Luther and Pogo round the family up, one-by-one, a few hours later. It is time for the family funeral.

It is freezing cold and raining outside, appropriately sombre weather for this macabre gathering.

They all carry umbrellas to fend of the wet, each of them black, save for Klaus'. He's holding the only umbrella he's got, a see-through one, trimmed with pink.

He holds his fur-lined coat close to his chest, Nephthys huddled into the thick fur at his neck, as they try to retain body heat. Beside them, Five is dressed in his old Academy uniform instead of the oversized suit he arrived in, and somehow, neither Five nor his dæmon are shivering. (Despite the fact that the uniforms were designed to be worn during exercise, and that Echo has Settled into a form which is best suited for hot climates.)

Mom is acting strange again. She seems to keep forgetting where she is and what's going on around her. And that Dad's dead.

It makes for an even more awkward reunion, which Klaus _hadn't thought possible_. His finger's itch with the need to burn. 

As Diego, a true mamma's boy, assures them all that Mom just needs to recharge, Klaus pulls out his cigarette carton.

Finally, Pogo steps forward. "Whenever you're ready, dear boy," he says to Luther.

Luther takes a moment to breathe, seemingly gathering the strength for what he's about to do. After a beat, he steps forward, taking the lid off the urn, and tipping the ashes onto the ground.

The remains promptly drop straight down to the earth, gathering in a pile, as though they are trying to fuse themselves back into the body of Reginald Hargreeves.

Klaus grimaces.

"Probably would've been better with some wind," Luther states solemnly, looking utterly defeated by the day's events.

"Does anyone wish to speak?" Pogo asks them all.

It's silent.

Vanya stands there, trying to appear as small as possible, Myan practically hiding inside her coat. Mom looks vague and distant, as though she's not really here. Diego looks annoyed at the fanfare surrounding the funeral, as Addie watches the rain drop from the sky. Allison appears to be comfortable leaving the talking to Luther and Pogo, Melos calm and solemn at her side. Five looks like he's only staying for his siblings' benefit, Echo licking his paw clean in boredom. Klaus just takes a long drag of his cigarette.

Mom always used to tell them _'if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'_, and that pretty much sums up how they all feel about their Dad, save Luther (and Allison, to some extent).

Pogo looks resigned to his fate, nodding as he says, "very well." He swallows, visibly collecting himself before he starts his eulogy, "in all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master...and my friend, and I shall miss him very much." Pogo pauses for a moment, and Klaus takes the chance to look around again. Luther's actually crying, for the first time since he was six. Klaus looks away.

"He leaves behind a complicated legacy-" Pogo continues, only to be cut off by Diego.

"He was a monster."

He says it so calmly and honestly, and it's _beyond true_. Klaus doesn't even try to stop the laugh from coming out.

"He was a bad person and a worse father," Diego continues, and _this is the truth; this is what Klaus came for_. "The world's better off without him."

"Diego!" Allison snaps at him, Melos standing suddenly as he hisses quietly at Addie.

The fox growls in response, a feral, high pitched sound leaving her throat as she bares her teeth.

"My _name_ is Number Two," Diego tells her, rage building as he goes on, "you know why? Because our _father_ couldn't be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it." Allison deflates and Melos backs down, ears and tail drooping in sadness.

Klaus’ eyes find new interest in the leafy ground. He has long since come to terms with the fact that Dad had never loved him. That all Klaus was- and probably still_ is _\- to Reginald, is an experiment. 

Klaus glances back up as Diego steps out of the line they had been standing in, Addie following him with a frown on her face.

"Look, you wanna pay your respects? Go ahead," Diego tells them all, turning at last to Pogo, "but at least be honest about the kind of man he was."

"You should stop talking now," Luther growls out, scowling menacingly at their brother.

Diego turns to Luther. _This is not going to end well_, Klaus thinks.

"You know, you of all people should be on my side here, _Number One_."

"I am warning you," Luther says lowly.

Klaus frowns in concern (a feeling he'd never been able to shirk when it came to his siblings), before exchanging resigned glances with Five.

"After everything he did to you?" Diego continues, "he had to ship you a _million _miles away-"

"Diego, _stop talking_." Luther speaks through gritted teeth, clearly only just restraining himself from hitting his brother.

"_That's _how much he couldn't stand the _sight _of you!" Diego finishes, and Klaus knows what Luther's going to do before it happens. They all do, because Luther is a _hands-on _kinda guy when it comes to conflict. 

Suddenly, One and Two are fighting, and it really is_ just like old times_.

Allison looks annoyed and resigned all at once, Melos scoffing as the pair no doubt think _'men'_. Vanya pulls Mom away from the brawling pair, as the android still isn't acting normally. Pogo shouts at Luther and Diego to stop, while Klaus backs away, a protective arm thrown instinctively in front of his newly-reappeared brother. He hears Vanya shout for Luther and Diego to stop, but Klaus just eggs them on.

"Hit him!" he shouts, cigarette dangling from his lips, "hit him!"

"Go for the eyes!" Nephthys tells them.

Ben is lingering at his shoulder, watching the proceedings with amused and exasperated eyes. Koko is twined around Ben's ankles, the tip of her tail swaying slightly as she watches the fight with interest.

When they were kids, Luther's dæmon would always shift into a large predator form in any kind of fight, almost immediately gaining the upper hand with that alone. Now, however, with Ayla Settled as a beetle, she is much safer when kept out of sight. So, with no target available, Addie has no choice but to stay out of the fighters' way, gekkering and barking and growling in rage as her human battles without her.

Pogo sighs, shaking his head, and turns to go back inside. The fight continues as Luther throws Diego to the side, the pair of them scrapping over by Ben's statue.

"Bet you one of them breaks my statue," the ghost himself remarks.

Five sighs. "I don't have time for this," he says, making his way back inside.

"You're on," Klaus tells Ben as he sits on the wet stone bench behind him, continuing to watch the fight. 

"Come here, big boy!" Klaus hears Diego shout after a few more punches are exchanged.

Luther _lunges_, and then Diego's moving, and Luther's fist goes to collide with empty air. Except the air isn't empty, because _ Ben's statue is there_.

With a thunderous rattle and crash, Ben's statue tumbles to the ground, beheading itself when it lands. Klaus jumps up, stepping forward slightly to get a better look.

"Ohhh..." he says upon catching sight of the destroyed statue, deflating in disappointment.

"And there goes Ben's statue," Allison states in a sarcastic _great job, guys_ tone of voice. She turns away, looking disappointed and beyond done with her siblings. Melos follows, tail flicking in annoyance.

Diego pulls a knife, and Vanya shouts at him to stop, but _since when has that ever stopped their brother_.

The knife is thrown, slicing across Luther's giant arm. Addie has fallen silent, eyes widening in shock. Even Diego looks surprised by his own actions.

Luther gasps to himself, grasping at his forearm. He shivers, as though the cold weather has just now sunk into his bones. He avoids all eye contact as he hurries to the door. _What an abrupt exit_, Klaus thinks to himself as he drops back onto the bench.

Diego looks confused and slightly apologetic, Klaus can tell, until Vanya walks up to scold him. Then Diego pulls his metaphorical mask back on, Addie stalking over to his side as he verbally lashes out at Vanya.

"You got enough material for your sequel yet?"

"He was my father too," Vanya replies, before turning to leave as well.

Diego actually looks..._ regretful_ for a moment.

But he pulls himself together, standing tall as he and Addie walk over to Mom, coaxing Grace back inside.

And thus, Klaus and Nephthys are left alone, huddled under their feminine umbrella, and sitting on a rain-soaked bench, with only Ben and Koko for company.

Klaus sighs as he stands, putting his cigarette back in his mouth, before walking over to Dad's ashes. He crouches down to speak to the dust, as though it is still his father.

"I bet you're_ loving _this. Hmm? _Team _at it's _best_," he drawls out in his singsong voice. He flicks his eyes up to look around the courtyard. "It's just like old times." With that, Klaus takes one last inhale of his cigarette, and then promptly places it in Reginald's ashes with a grin. "Best funeral _ever_," he says as he walks away.

"Don't forget that I won the bet," Ben says as the ghost follows him and Nephty inside.

"Shut up," Klaus says lightly.

* * *

Klaus and Nephthys, on their way to find Five, run into Vanya and Myan in the hallway. His sister’s holding her violin case, and that can only mean one thing. 

“You’re leaving again,” he states. 

Vanya avoids eye contact, quietly replying that, yes, she is leaving again. 

“Why?” Nephthys asks. 

Vanya glances up at the crow, before looking back down at the interesting floor beneath them. “I figured, since none of you want me here, I should just go. Dad’s ashes have been spread, so what’s the use in overstaying my welcome?”

Klaus is silent for a moment, formulating his reply. “I’m not gonna make you stay if you don’t want to, V, Christ knows _ I _ don’t even want to be here.” 

“But, we _ are _ going to make you promise to stay in touch this time,” Nephthys adds. 

Vanya looks up at them, surprised. “W-why would you want to stay in touch with me?”

“Would do you mean?” Klaus asks. 

“Don’t you, like . . . hate me or something, for what I wrote in my book?” 

“Oh, that,” he waves a hand, as though to physically push the thought away. “I’m over it. Besides, I was never angry over what you wrote about me. I was angry that you wrote about everyone else’s secrets. But, like I said, I’m over it. I understand why you did it. I understand how it feels to be so _ angry _ at your family, that you would do literally anything to just make them shut their self-righteous little mouths.” 

“We also understand what it’s like to be _ different _ to everyone else. Perhaps not to the extent that you and Myan feel, but it’s there,” Nephty states. 

There is silence for a moment. “I-” Vanya struggles to find her words, “we… _ thank you_,” she finally says, tears shining in her eyes as she steps forward, hugging him. 

Klaus smiles, embracing his sister. “Your welcome, V.”

* * *

Klaus is lounging in the kitchen, trying to tune an old guitar, as Five searches desperately for coffee, when Allison and Melos walk in, asking about Vanya.

"Oh, she's gone," Klaus informs his sister, glancing over at where Nephthys is, again, refusing to leave Echo's side.

"That's unfortunate," Five remarks, walking over with an empty coffee pot, and Klaus knows he's not talking about Vanya, because they both saw her out.

"Yeah," Allison says, quietly, mistaking Five's statement as a reply to Klaus.

"An entire square block," Five continues, as Klaus stares aimlessly into the middle distance, "forty-two bedrooms, nineteen bathrooms, but no, not a _single _drop of coffee."

"Dad hated caffeine," Allison states, as though it should be obvious.

"Well, he hated children, too, and he had _plenty _of us," Klaus laughs sarcastically, before going back to staring.

"I'm taking the car," Five says, and Klaus_ doesn't want him to leave_, but he _can't stop Five, can't stop any of his siblings from doing anything_, and even if he could, _Klaus isn't worth staying for_.

So, instead of begging his brother to_ stay, please just stay_, Klaus sits up, allowing curiosity to take over as he asks, "where are you going?"

"To get a_ decent cup of coffee_," Echo tells him, Five frowning like it should be obvious where he was going.

"Do you even know how to drive?" Allison asks, successfully insulting their brother's intelligence.

Five scoffs, "I know how to do everything."

The old bastard Blinks away then, Echo following, and Klaus can feel his chest tighten, because_ what if they don't come back? _

He pushes the panic away, however, standing as he remarks, "I feel like we should try and stop him," he turns to look at Allison, Nephty flying to his shoulder as he continues, "but then again, I also just kinda want to see what happens.” 

Allison sighs, and turns to look as a car starts outside. Diego and Addie walk in as the noise of the old car gets further away.

"All right," Diego says with a sigh, "I guess I'll see you guys in, what, ten years? When Pogo dies?"

Allison scoffs, Melos hissing lightly at Addie as the fox goes past. "Not if you die first," Allison states, and it's pretty much par for the course with their family.

"Yeah, love you too, sis," Diego replies, Addie baring her teeth. The bitter man pauses to grab a grape off the table. "Good luck on your next film. Hope it turns out better than your marriage, huh?" he continues, before popping the grape in his mouth.

Melos steps back in shock, ears flattening in hurt. Addie follows on Diego's heels.

Klaus watches as Allison and her dæmon walk out of the kitchen, before turning to Diego. "Are- are we leaving?" he asks quietly.

"No,_ I'm _leaving, me by myself," Diego replies grumpily, but Klaus knows he's not really upset.

"Oh, fabulous!" Klaus exclaims, clapping his hands in his trademark fashion, "I'll get my things." He goes to do just that as Diego leaves the house, rushing to do up his top, and grab his coat.

* * *

"Hey!" Klaus shouts as he skids to a stop beside his brother’s car. "Diego," he says, opening the back door and climbing in. "You know, every time I close my eyes-" He leans forward, grabbing his brother by the shoulders. "-I see a diarrhetic hippo about to shit on my face." He can tell Diego is trying not to laugh at his antics. "It's terrifying!"

"Terrific," his dear brother replies dryly, starting the car up.

Klaus squeezes his eyes shut, gruesome animals flashing across his mind's eye. "No! No."

"Lean back," Diego tells him, ever the protective- if extremely surly- sibling.

Klaus does as asked, pulling on his seatbelt at Ben's insistence.

* * *

For some reason, on their way to town, Diego pulls over to stop at the river. Klaus sighs dramatically as he's forced to wait even longer for the meal which Addie said they'd pay for. God, he's hungry. Being back at the house, around Mom and the family, has left him craving Mom's cooking again. Or even just _any _non-rehab cooking again.

After a good five minutes of sitting in the slowly-cooling, darkened car, Klaus opens the door to shout to his brother. "Yoo-hoo, Diego!" he calls, then sighs. "I hate to rush you through any kind of _brooding _moment you might be havin', but come on, man, we're starving!" He knows his voice has taken on a whiny tone again, but he's too hungry to care at this point.

Diego sends him a _look_, and Klaus dejectedly pulls himself back into the car, heaving a large sigh after the door shuts with a bang. Nephty sighs in tandem with him, from where she's perched beside Koko on the middle seat.

"I'm craving...eggs," he mutters to Ben, before clicking his tongue, "no! Wait, it's too late for eggs, er..."

"Waffles?" Nephthys offers.

"Yes!" Klaus exclaims, before turning to his ghostly brother. "You like waffles, right?" Ben nods. "Ah, 'course you do. Everyone likes waffles."

He sees Diego quickly making his way back to the car, and perks up.

"Diego, thank you for joining us," he says, dramatically "we have decided on, drum roll, _waffles_."

His living brother ignores him. "I'm gonna drop you off at the bus stop. I gotta get back to work."

Klaus sits back, disappointed. "What, breaking bones and cracking skulls?" He forces a laugh.

"Saving lives, baby."

Klaus rolls his head to look at Ben. "Well, I guess it's frozen waffles again." Ben closes his eyes, as though physically hurt by the idea.

"Why don't you get Mom to fry you something?" Ben suggests.

"Yeah, I could do egg and bacon, but you know, I'm trying to cut down on my pig products."

Diego restarts the car and pulls away, content to leave Klaus to talk to 'himself' in the back seat.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that’s the first episode done, finally. It took me a good week or so to write this, and another couple weeks of editing, but I’m pretty pleased with the result. I’m going to be taking a little break from this series, just until I get things sorted irl. Unfortunately, I have to put life before fandom. Make no mistake, I will be coming back to this series, but I’m not going to promise you all deadlines which I probably won’t be able to meet. So, thank you all so much for your kudos/comments/support of my work so far, and I hope you’ll stick by me as the series slowly evolves. 
> 
> As always, feel free to leave any constructive feedback or kudos/comments/whatevers if you want. (Just no flames, please. If you don’t like it, just don’t kudos it.)


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